I think I maybe think too much

Everyone has that one song that sets the mood.  The song that makes you feel kick ass and invincible. Or the song that grounds you and brings you back to reality.   Right now my kick ass song is "Blow Me One Last Kiss" by Pink.  Yes, I know what the lyrics say and no that is not why I like it.  It just gets me all pumped up and excited and feeling like I can take on the world.  Well, on the way home from Kroger today, I heard it.  I rocked out the whole way home and was totally pumped and ready to rock my house, in a cleaning sense if you will.   I started opening cabinets and closets.  Pulled out things I haven't seen or used in years and made two piles; keep and yard sale.  I found old iPods, mixed cds, old baby bibs, an "its a girl" cigar, sweaters from three seasons (and a baby) ago... Random crap.  Luckily though most of it went in the yard sale pile (not that cigar, I might smoke it later with my glass of wine... I kid! I kid!).

So my blood was totally pumping.  I was kicking ass and taking names later.  Then the music changed.  Damn you shuffle.  I think everyone can agree with me that when you shuffle songs on your iPhone if it starts with a great song its going to be a "good" shuffle and if the first song is crap well, you might as well start over with a new shuffle.  The particular shuffle that I got today was bad ass.  I didn't have to skip a single song.  Until this one.  I am quite emotional right now and probably borderline crazy and/or depressed with everything that is going on in my life.  I'm sure it is nothing compared to what many of you are experiencing or might have experienced but for me, its a lot.  As you've read, it has been overwhelming the past 15 weeks without my husband.  I have a new found respect for single Moms and stay at home Moms (I recently went from a part-time SAHM to a full-time SAHM holla!)  I'm still a tad wet behind the ears and am still learning so many things.  Selling this house has been a huge learning process in itself.  Ok, ok.   Let me get back on track...

So here I was knee deep in junk and the song changed from Taylor Swift, "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together" (NO JUDGING!) to Miranda Lambert "The House that Built Me".  It played for a few seconds and somewhere during the first chorus my heart leaped up into my throat and I suddenly couldn't sing another word.  It hit me.  We're moving.  Not just to another house but to a new city and a new state.  A new life.  I am somewhere between ecstatic and devastated.  In 5 short weeks I will be reunited with the love of my life and my family will again be whole.  In 5 short weeks we will be packing up the life we've created together and move it to a strange place where we don't know a single person.  This life is the only life I've known with Jeremy and the only life that Gage has ever known.  I think of this house that we live in now as the house that built us.  It is the house that built our son, our lives together first as man and wife and then as a mother and father.  This is too deep for me.  

Although the song is totally about breaking up I have to say that there is one line that totally encompasses me right now; "Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold... But there's nothing to grab so I let go.."  I'm letting go of my fears.  I've had enough of this life here in Kentucky and I'm ready to move on and start a new one.  I'm looking forward to the new memories we're going to create in Alabama!  The new friends we're going to make!  I'm looking forward to the adventure we're about to embark on.  My husband has blessed me not only with an amazing partner for life and an amazing father to our son but to a once in a lifetime experience that isn't afforded to just anyone.  He has worked his ass off his whole life and is providing a dream life for us.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

the new normal

Hey all!  It has been a few weeks since my last post so I figured I'd better get back to writing!  I wish I could say that I've been too busy to write but that's a lie.  I've just been too tired and haven't really felt like it!  I usually have writing ideas swirling around in my head but I just couldn't make myself sit down and share!  I am completely burnt out on house searching and Pinterest pinning that I am forcing myself to write!

Speaking of house searching... We found out just over a week ago that we are being sent to the Montgomery field office!   Yay! We were just adjusting to the fact that we were headed to Mobile and were super excited about our possibilities when that oh so important little piece of information was relayed to us.  I have been researching the hell out of Montgomery this week!  I have found a ton of great housing options but really haven't been able to move forward since we aren't moving until November and don't have our house hunting trip scheduled until the first week of October.  So, until then, I'll be printing, saving and dreaming!  Feel free to share any info you might have on Montgomery!  We know nothing and are pretty much going into this blind!

Jeremy came home Labor Day weekend for the first time in 11 weeks!  It.  Was.  Awesome.  Originally he was supposed to come in Saturday morning but we just couldn't wait.  Friday morning I did a quick search and found an earlier flight home for him.  It was a whirlwind day for him as he was gone to training all day and didn't have a single thing packed!  Luckily he got out a bit early and was able to race to his room, pack, and race to the airport.  Although he didn't arrive until 11pm and we didn't get home until almost 1:30 am it was totally worth it.  It was surreal waking up with him, in our bed, in our house, in the morning.  We quickly got back to our routine and it *almost* felt like he had never left.  When Monday morning came I was an emotional wreck.  I knew he was leaving that afternoon and I just wasn't ready for him to go.  I literally cried all day long and when we said our final goodbyes at the airport I lost it.  I cried like a freaking baby you guys.

 

Looking back, it is slightly embarrassing the way I reacted over him leaving however the only person who saw me was Gage.  I could hardly see out of my tear-filled eyes the drive home and when I walked back into our house and could still smell him the tears came again like a flood gate had been opened.  I was seriously crying folks and I'm sure it was the horrifically ugly cry face that comes along with that type of cry.  I honestly think I needed it though.  I had shed a few tears since our emotional reunion at 7 weeks but nothing like this.  As usual, I moped around the rest of the day on Monday, ate almost my weight in chocolate chip cookies, and come Tuesday I was again ready to face the world again.

Our sweet baby boy started preschool on Tuesday the 4th!  I can't believe how fast he is growing up!  Poor thing just didn't want to go to school and I'm sure he got that from me.  When I went into his room to wake him up he was spread out diagonally and his mouth was wide open.  When he woke up and realized it was time to go to school he immediately frowned, rolled back over and said "I don't want to go to school".  Um, newsflash buddy, this here is day one of at least 14 years of school.  I finally got him up, wrestled his clothes on him and made it downstairs for breakfast.  He requested toast "without the skin" and some apple juice.  Surprisingly, and for like the first time ever, we made it somewhere on time.  Although he shed a few tears when I left he had an amazing first day.

ice cream after school!

I realized this morning that what I'm living is now my new normal.  For the last 13 weeks of my life I've been sleeping alone, waking up alone, taking care of my son alone, eating alone... pretty much doing everything alone.  I think I am finally getting used to it and I hate it.  I don't think there is much worse than being separated when all you want is to be together.  Before Jeremy left I couldn't stand to not talk him.  We were constantly texting and calling each other.  Now we sometimes go all day without speaking and sometimes can only get a text message out.  While I like this new non-dependence I still miss him dearly and cannot wait to get back to our life.  I'm sure that things will not immediately return to normal but as long as we are together every morning and every night I will be as happy as clam.

Farewell Friends!