I think I maybe think too much

Everyone has that one song that sets the mood.  The song that makes you feel kick ass and invincible. Or the song that grounds you and brings you back to reality.   Right now my kick ass song is "Blow Me One Last Kiss" by Pink.  Yes, I know what the lyrics say and no that is not why I like it.  It just gets me all pumped up and excited and feeling like I can take on the world.  Well, on the way home from Kroger today, I heard it.  I rocked out the whole way home and was totally pumped and ready to rock my house, in a cleaning sense if you will.   I started opening cabinets and closets.  Pulled out things I haven't seen or used in years and made two piles; keep and yard sale.  I found old iPods, mixed cds, old baby bibs, an "its a girl" cigar, sweaters from three seasons (and a baby) ago... Random crap.  Luckily though most of it went in the yard sale pile (not that cigar, I might smoke it later with my glass of wine... I kid! I kid!).

So my blood was totally pumping.  I was kicking ass and taking names later.  Then the music changed.  Damn you shuffle.  I think everyone can agree with me that when you shuffle songs on your iPhone if it starts with a great song its going to be a "good" shuffle and if the first song is crap well, you might as well start over with a new shuffle.  The particular shuffle that I got today was bad ass.  I didn't have to skip a single song.  Until this one.  I am quite emotional right now and probably borderline crazy and/or depressed with everything that is going on in my life.  I'm sure it is nothing compared to what many of you are experiencing or might have experienced but for me, its a lot.  As you've read, it has been overwhelming the past 15 weeks without my husband.  I have a new found respect for single Moms and stay at home Moms (I recently went from a part-time SAHM to a full-time SAHM holla!)  I'm still a tad wet behind the ears and am still learning so many things.  Selling this house has been a huge learning process in itself.  Ok, ok.   Let me get back on track...

So here I was knee deep in junk and the song changed from Taylor Swift, "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together" (NO JUDGING!) to Miranda Lambert "The House that Built Me".  It played for a few seconds and somewhere during the first chorus my heart leaped up into my throat and I suddenly couldn't sing another word.  It hit me.  We're moving.  Not just to another house but to a new city and a new state.  A new life.  I am somewhere between ecstatic and devastated.  In 5 short weeks I will be reunited with the love of my life and my family will again be whole.  In 5 short weeks we will be packing up the life we've created together and move it to a strange place where we don't know a single person.  This life is the only life I've known with Jeremy and the only life that Gage has ever known.  I think of this house that we live in now as the house that built us.  It is the house that built our son, our lives together first as man and wife and then as a mother and father.  This is too deep for me.  

Although the song is totally about breaking up I have to say that there is one line that totally encompasses me right now; "Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold... But there's nothing to grab so I let go.."  I'm letting go of my fears.  I've had enough of this life here in Kentucky and I'm ready to move on and start a new one.  I'm looking forward to the new memories we're going to create in Alabama!  The new friends we're going to make!  I'm looking forward to the adventure we're about to embark on.  My husband has blessed me not only with an amazing partner for life and an amazing father to our son but to a once in a lifetime experience that isn't afforded to just anyone.  He has worked his ass off his whole life and is providing a dream life for us.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.