confessions of a working mom

Does anyone else with children work full-time? It STINKS doesn't it! Being a working Mom is definitely one of the most challenging things I've ever done. My days begin at 6:25am and I usually go until 11:00pm NON-STOP! I usually can't make it through an entire week at work without at least one tear when I think of Gage and everything I am missing with him.

So its not the long days that stress me- its the long days I have without Gage. My heart aches every time I walk out the door leaving that smiling and laughing baby boy behind. I never in a million years thought that I would want to be a stay home Mom but I would give almost anything to stay with my little guy everyday.

I just feel like I am missing so much being away from him. I'm usually not there when he wakes up for the day. I don't get to feed him his breakfast or lunch. We don't get to play during the day nor do I get to nap with that sweet little angel. I get hourly updates via text message from my Gram who is with him everyday- I truly appreciate hearing how he is doing but its just not the same. I missed seeing him clap his hands for the first time. I miss hearing him laugh at our dogs or the silly faces my Gramps makes at him. I don't get to see him playing with his new toys or watching the snow fall for the very first time. I don't get to take him on long walks outside on beautiful days and I don't get to hold him and rock him to sleep for naps. I'm missing it all.

I'm so afraid I'm going to miss the first time he crawls, pulls himself up, or says his first real word. I know I'm not going to be the first to notice his teeth when they finally push through. I value my time in the evenings with him and on the weekends. I feel like I don't have a life because I don't want to do anything but spend my free time with him! I feel so guilty if I leave him for any reason in the evening or weekends! I'm trying to deal with my guilt but its hard.

I'm going to school to finish my bachelor's degree in Elementary Education. I will finish classes in the fall of 2011 and begin my student teaching. I can't wait for graduation to get here! I have always wanted to be a teacher but the thought of Christmas and Spring breaks and 9 weeks off during the summer have never sounded better! I guess I can find one good thing about leaving him right now- he is too small to really miss getting to do too many things with me. He still isn't walking or talking. He is still too small to understand a museum or zoo. I know I will get to do these things with him.

I have to say that I am sooooo lucky to have some AMAZING Grandparents that take care of Gage for me. They come to our house everyday at 7:00am and stay with him until 4:30 when I'm finally home. My Gram is so awesome- she helps with the laundry, dishes, house cleaning... the list goes on and on. I couldn't make it without her or my Gramps. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

Working stinks, but I'm doing it for Gage. Everything I do is for him. I'm thankful for my family and wonderful friends who remind me everyday that I am a good Mom and that everything I'm doing is for Gage.

*pic is from my first day back at work- I was so happy to get home and see my little man!